HE’S NOT WORTH TO GIVE MY WHOLE HEART TO…

Why am I feeling this way?
I don’t even understand myself, I don’t even listen to myself anymore, I don’t even know what I’m trying to prove , to who ? for what? Till when? I can’t bring myself together to answer these question, what is happening to me?

As much as I want to admit that I know the reason, I’m still confused.
What is love? How do you define love? How do you open up your heart and shut it when you don’t want love to effect your life?

How did someone leave a huge impact to my heart? All these while I thought that I have this strong and untouchable heart, guess I’m wrong.

For all of these complicated question, I believe that I know the main and only reason for feeling the way I feel now.

I guess its easier to drown in misery and fill your heart and mind with negativity rather than standing tall and firm with positivity. As much as it takes a lot of energy to instill positive thinking in life, human beings would rather jump into a pool of negative thoughts, and this is not merely an assumption.


I convinced myself that in order to safeguard my heart, I would never give it away to anyone whom I think doesn’t deserve it.


I sometimes questioned the level of stupidity that I have got myself into….. how could I fall for this guy when he doesn’t fulfill the things that I have listed for me to give my heart to? This is ridiculous, sheer nonsense…..

Nothing regrets me more than to have known a person who doesn’t listen to his heart and worships his mind.

Finally, I have concluded that I this guy is not worth it. I consider myself as a loving, caring and most of all the opposite of the guy’s characteristics. I have so much love to give away…. So much comfort to share with… so much hope to present to….

I’m a person who only listens to my heart. Even if I make mistakes, then be it. Human beings do not make mistakes, on the contrary we discover things….. I discovered that it is more painful to have make mistakes by denying ones heart rather than listening to it.

ALLAH illuminates our hearts with light only if we want ourselves to be illuminated with it. By listening to my heart, I know that I will never go wrong and if I go astray, I will definitely find my way back and I will be on the right track again and that is to be Happy living with ALLAH. Someday, very soon….. I will find my Mr. Right who adores ALLAH, loves and appreciates me and cherishes life.

Till the next writing……

bruneians are blessed

bruneians are blessed...... for able to buy nice cars at a very affordable prices.
malaysians however have no choice but to buy cars with prices triple from the ones being sold in brunei. how unfortunate.....

back in semenanjung, the car that you drive tells a tale on your level of income. if a person drives a vios, he or she is earning about RM 3500-RM4000, Honda Civic 1.7 , the owner earns approximately RM 4000-RM 5500. but over here, anyone can drive a vios, or a city, or a swift... how cool is that....

i grew up with this mentality of adoring cars, thanks to my late father whose passion taught me to continuously enquire about the prices of cars, which i believe quite peculiar for a hobby.

i myself at the moment adoring my new car...... after a year...... Syukur Alhamdulillah....

Tired of Ajinomoto!!!!!

No more Ajinomoto, i told myself!!!!!

it has been a year, and im still waiting for the new signboard to arrive!!!
everytime someone asks about the location and description of the college that im teaching in, i would answer , the moment u see the AJINOMOTO sign, turn right onto Simpang 51-22, in other words, we're doing free advertising and promotion for Ajinomoto.

everyone knows despite the fact that ajinomoto is bad for health, it is a very famous brand, hehehehehe..........................

ive been begging, informing...... havent cry yet...... for the new signboard.......but what can i do...... until the time comes..... i will always have to say 'once u see the ajinomoto sign.....turn right!!!'

arrghhhhhhhh..................................... tension.............................

kelly rocks!

ive always been a fan of kelly's, her new album can be considered as one of her best, the lyrics are well written, i dont only listen to the melody, what's important is the words of the songs.Kelly includes attitute when she sings her songs, not merely singing, but puts her soul into it. she instills emotion in it.

the best track would be chivas coz the lyrics suits my situation, been there and done that kind of thing. the song is about a girl who fell in love too fast and just cant imagine the level of stupidity she got herself into. the girl questioned herself what did she see in the guy whom she fell for, he's just not worth it.

the thing about kelly's voice is that she has the ability to sing at a very high pitch without losing control over her voice. that's amazing.

the music arrangements are superb, with a beautiful blend of pop, blues and rock.in a nutshell, her tracks are strong in melody and firm in lyrics, kelly rocks!!!!

I'm thankful but at the same time a little bit frustrated

syukur Alhamdulillah...... my students passed with flying colours!!!! i couldn't sleep well, i couldn't eat well...... i couldn't think straight until i received the students results.

as a Lecturer, i discovered that the anxiety level of waiting for the students results is as high as the students anxiety level themselves!!!!

finally, i am able to think straight and eat well........

but at the same time I'm quite frustrated due to the fact that a few of my students whom i expect them to score didnt do well........... arrrrghhhhhhhhh!
fatin, syukri, azim, kamarul and sharif? what happened to you guys????

for those 2 students who failed, try again coz there's always hope.

the subjects that im teaching are examined by the UK examiners and for the students to get a credit for their results is just exeptional, this is because to get a distinction for Business Organisation and Business Communication subjects is like getting it for every once in a blue moon!!!

next, i have to work harder to get my part-time students the best results!!!! fighting!fighting!!

Rojak Mamak

how i long for rojak mamak especially the ones that is being sold in Giant USJ 1, my place.....
how i long to taste the thick nutty gravy with a splash of spices in it, the 'cucur' coconut, the combination of cucumber, sengkuang and crackers in it....... im imagining the taste..... this is how desperate i am..............

the problem is that rojak mamak over here in totally different, like venus and mars....you cant find authentic rojak mamak in Bandar Seri Begawan................arrrrrrghhhhhhh.........................
it cannot be called rojak mamak if it doesnt have any sotong in it, the gravy huhuhuhu...... i have to say that the taste is actually tasteless.........that's the best description that i can give.

the briyani over here is worst....not mamak...not indian... not malay.... its in between.... u can never find the authentic briyani. in the end..... i find myself enjoying that malaysian briyani taste wannabe at 'Restoran Azmi'. bolehlah.....bedal jek..... janji ada....the price is ok though.


when it comes to Nasi Lemak, nothing so lemak about it..... just plain rice. anyhing 'berlemak', i have to prepare my own nasi lemak..... u can never find any thick red hot and spicy sambal over here.............again.....arrrrghhhhhhhh..............tension......

after a year over here, i have come to a conclusion that its ok to eat without thinking about the taste, the concept is simple.................. bite, munch , swollow and digest.

nanti sambung lagi.... ntahapahapantah

aku tak peduli! aku nak cuba jugak!!!

Tepat 3.40 petang, aku dan adik ku sampai di Tasek Lama. Cantik tempatnya, kalaulah ada tempat sedemikian di Selangor….ish…. sampai-sampai sahaja students semua sedang bersiap sedia untuk memanjat dinding . Segala persiapan sedang dijalankan, ada yang terkial-kial memasang tali keselamatan di pinggang masing-masing, ada yang terpinga-pinga tentang apa yang hendak dilakukan, ada yang terpekik-pekik memanggil kawan-kawan untuk turut serta….. macam-macam ada….

Tasek Lama merupakan antara satu tempat beriadah warga Bandar Seri Begawan, menawan hatiku dengan keindahan dan kebersihannya. Kesegaran udaranya…. Kejernihan anak sungainya yang mengalir… pokok-pokoknya serta lanskapnya yang tersusun… begitu memukau…

Aku mengagumi pelajar-pelajar ku yang komited dalam menjadikan aktiviti pelajar satu realiti. Masih muda tetapi bersemangat waja. Aku pun masih muda, Cuma lebih tua dari mereka dalam 10 tahun sahaja….lucu…
Sesekali terdetik didalam hati tidak pernah aku menyangka yang satu hari nanti aku akan berada di Negara orang mengajar warga mudanya dan pada masa yang sama melibatkan diri dengan aktiviti pelajar. Begitu takdir menjentik dan mengubah hidupku… Subhanallah…

Sesekali si Afiq dan pasangan bahagia si Umar dan si Fauziah menegur aku dengan kenakalan mereka. Si Syukri selaku Bendahara , kelihatan seperti memberikan pandangan dan senyuman sinisnya kepada ku dan adikku, almaklumlah di suruhnya datang tepat pukul 3 petang, alih-alih hampir pukul 4, baru kelibat aku dan adikku kelihatan…. Jangan marah aaaa….

Waktu memanjat pun bermula… bini-bini atau itu panggilan perempuan disini dimulakan dengan adik ku yang paling comel yang juga merupakan Pensyarah di kolej yang sama dengan ku. Jarak umur 9 tahun antara kami berdua tidak pernah menjadi masalah kerana kami berdua mempunyai pemikiran dan pertimbangan yang lebih kurang sama, aku mempengaruhi pemikirannya dan dia mempengaruhi
pertimbangan ku.

Diikuti dengan pelajar-pelajar ku, memanjat satu demi satu…. Si Arwina berjaya sampai ke puncak dengan gagahnya….. membakar semangat sekalian pelajar lelaki untuk mengikut jejaknya. Aku? Sekadar menjadi tukang sorak sambil memerhati setiap gerak geri mereka memanjat dinding tersebut. Di dalam hati masih berterusan memikirkan adakah patut aku melakukannnya? Sesekali menyakat Sarip Dol, panggilan manja si Sharif, terasa menyesal juga dengan kenakalanku mengenakan dia…. Alih-alih dia tidak berjaya sampai ke puncak dinding…. Jangan marah aa …lega rasanya kegagalannya untuk sampai ke atas adalah disebabkan tangannya yang sakit…kasihan…

Si Azim, Presiden Kesatuan Pelajar Kemuda, aku rasakan yang paling sesuai mengepalai pelajar-pelajar, dengan perkasanya memanjat, tetapi sayang… tidak kesampaian hajat untuk mengikut jejak yang lain-lain untuk sampai ke puncak…. Cuba lain kali k.

Satu persatu pelajar mencuba untuk memanjat…. Diselang selikan dengan arahan dan tunjuk ajar dari ketua yang bernama Zack, orangnya kecil-kecil cili padi…. Dalam senyuman ada kekentalan dan ketabahan, bercita-cita untuk memacu remaja Brunei untuk menjadi generasi yang lebih gah dimata dunia. Cir-ciri kelembutan ada pada dirinya yang mana dapat dibuktikan dengan hobinya mengambil gambar secara professional, sentuhan gambar-gambarnya sangat halus dan boleh dikatakan satu bentuk seni yang unik.

Waktu hampir lewat petang, sangkaan ku menunggu hingga keakhirnya untuk mencuba aktiviti flying fox supaya pelajar-pelajar semua tidak mengendahkan ku meleset apabila disaat aku memasang tali keselamatan di sekeliling pingggangku, mula kedengaran pekikan dan sorakan. Riuh satu tasik , Pensyarah yang sedari tadi hanya menjadi pemerhati mula berani mencuba aktiviti Flying fox. Terngiang-ngiang di telinga amaran yang di berikan oleh Encik Presiden Si Azim…. Ms. Rosita jangan cuba lari… mesti cuba aktiviti ini….. ish menyesal aku…

Sebaik terpanggil amaran Azim, hati ini bagai dibakar semangatnya… aku tak peduli… aku mesti cuba jugak…. Apa nak jadik jadi lah……aku dah tak nak control cun lagi…..

Apa lagi…… aku pun dengan gagahnya menyusur tali untuk aktiviti ini hingga ke hujungnya………… dalam sekelip mata aku sampai ke hujungnya. Untuk seketika dapat ku rasakan betapa nikmatnya berada diatas udara sambil bergerak pantas….terasa kebebasan yang teramat sangat…pengalaman ini sungguh menakjubkan…..tak dapat digambarkan dengan kata-kata, benarlah kata orang , kalau tak cuba tak kan tahu. Sorakan pelajar-pelajarku kedengaran seakan terlalu jauh…. Betapa aku sangat memfokuskan fikiran aku untuk keseronokan yang sedang aku alami untuk beberapa saat itu…

Tanpa kusedari, aktiviti untuk hari tersebut sudah sampai ke penghujungnya…. Pengunjung tanpa diundang Mr. Muhammad sangat disukai oleh pelajar-pelajar ku. Aku yang sedari tadi tidak mengendahkan mereka tiba-tiba disapa oleh Mr. Muhammad, aku sangkakan Mat Salleh mana tadi rupanya saudara seagama denganku. Dengan selambanya bertanyakan soalan-soalan yang tidak selesa untuk aku menjawabnya. Sesekali di suruhnya aku menunjukkan tapak tanganku….entah apa yang di lihatnya di tapak tangan ku…. Tetapi yang aku pasti dia dengan sengaja ingin mengusik….. dikala di pegangnya tangan ku, hendak sahaja aku membelasah orang Arab sesat ni….. tapi apakan daya reputasi mesti dijaga terutamanya di depan pelajar-pelajar ku yang sedang asyik mengusik ku. Demi pelajar-pelajar…. Aku tak jadi membelasah orang…. Kalau tidak…… mungkin aktiviti dihari yang indah itu di akhiri dengan tragedi….mungkin akan keluar suratkhabar:- ‘Bandar Seri Begawan.. seorang pensyarah kolej swasta membelasah warga Itali kerana memegang tangannya tanpa kebenaran’ hehehehehehhee…………………………jangn marah aaaa….

Nukilan merapu meraban Ms. Rosita Michael

Velcome!!!

it has been so long since the last time i blogged, if there is such a word.... what you will find in this blog are writings that range from anything to everything....but of course only nice things. even if i include bad things, it will not be intentional.

you will also find that it is in either malay or english, i'll write in cantonese once i master the language.

chow for now and enjoy my stories, even if you don't, just make believe.